Questions to ask your partner
In short
Good questions for your partner are open, specific and about the two of you.
Start with fun ones, move to questions about your story, and save the deep ones for a slow night.
One question a day works better than fifty at once.
Play together
One question at a time. Pass the phone or read it out loud.
All questions
Fun questions to ask your partner
For a date night, a long drive or a slow Sunday.
- If we had a theme song, what would it be?
- What is the most random thing that makes you happy?
- Which fictional couple are we most like?
- What would your perfect lazy day look like?
- If you could eat one meal with me every week forever, what would it be?
- What is a weird talent you have never shown me?
- If we started a business together, what would it sell?
- Which of my habits do you secretly find cute?
- What would our names be if we were a band?
- What is the best thing we have eaten together?
- If you could plan our next weekend with no limits, what would we do?
- What emoji would you use to describe us?
- Which song always makes you dance?
- What is a movie you could watch with me again tonight?
- If we swapped lives for a day, what would you do first?
Deep questions to ask your partner
For a quiet night with no rush.
- When did you first feel at home with me?
- What do you need most from me on a hard day?
- What is something you are still learning about yourself?
- What does a good life look like to you?
- What fear do you rarely say out loud?
- What is a memory that shaped who you are?
- When do you feel most like yourself?
- What is something you wish more people asked you about?
- How do you like to be comforted?
- What is a dream you have not told anyone yet?
- What makes you feel respected?
- What do you want to be remembered for?
- What part of your life are you most proud of?
- What is hard for you to ask for, even when you need it?
- What does love look like on a normal Tuesday?
Questions about the two of you
For anniversaries or when you miss the early days.
- What was your first impression of me?
- When did you know you liked me?
- What is your favorite memory of us?
- Who do you think said I love you first?
- What is a small thing I do that you love?
- Which photo of us is your favorite and why?
- What did you think after our first date?
- What is a moment with me you would relive?
- What is something we do better as a team?
- What is our funniest inside joke, and where did it start?
- What song reminds you of us?
- What did you learn from our first fight?
- What is a tradition you want us to keep?
- When do you feel closest to me?
- What is one thing we should do more often?
Questions for long distance couples
For a video call when you are far apart.
- What is the first thing we will do when we see each other?
- What part of your day do you wish I could see?
- What do you miss most when we are apart?
- Which song do you play when you miss me?
- What helps you most on the hard days apart?
- What online date should we try this week?
- What would you put in a care package for me?
- How do you picture the day the distance ends?
- What has the distance taught you about us?
- What is your favorite way to hear from me during the day?
- Which city would you show me first?
- What small thing could I do this week to feel closer?
- What is a photo of me you look at when you miss me?
- What would you want us to plan for our next visit?
- What is one habit we should keep even when we live close?
Questions about the future
Gently, when you both feel like dreaming.
- Where do you see us living in five years?
- What is a trip we must take together one day?
- What does a perfect weekend look like when we are older?
- What is a skill you want us to learn together?
- What do you want our home to feel like?
- What is something you want to try before you turn 40?
- What would you want our future routine to include every day?
- What is one goal you want my help with this year?
- How do you want to celebrate our next anniversary?
- What is a dream we could start working on this month?
Quick this or that
When you only have five minutes.
- Morning or night?
- Beach or mountains?
- Text or call?
- Cook in or eat out?
- Plan everything or be spontaneous?
- Movie at home or at the theater?
- Coffee or tea?
- Big party or small dinner?
- Road trip or flight?
- Sunrise or sunset?
- Cats or dogs?
- Sweet or salty?
- Early to bed or late night talks?
- Matching outfits or never?
- Surprise gifts or gifts you asked for?
If you want a structured set, try the 36 questions from a 1997 study by Arthur Aron and colleagues. The study used them to build closeness between two people. 36 Questions for Increasing Closeness (Greater Good in Action, UC Berkeley)
How to use these questions
- 1Pick one group that fits the moment.
- 2Take turns. One asks, the other answers, then swap.
- 3Ask one follow up: “What makes you say that?”
- 4Anyone can skip a question.
Questions
How many questions should we ask?
Five to ten is plenty. Stop while it is still fun and save the rest.
What are good questions for a serious talk?
Start with “What do you need most from me on a hard day?” or “What does a good life look like to you?”. Listen more than you talk.
What if my partner does not want to answer?
Skip it. Anyone can pass on any question. Try a lighter one.
Can we do this over text?
Yes. Send one question, both write your answer, then share them at the same time.
Get one question a day for the two of you
The Lovenido app sends one question a day. You both answer, then see each other’s answer. Join the waitlist to get it first.
Try the free chat Wrapped